by Dru Ahlborg, Co-Founder and Executive Director of BRRC
At BRRC, we often hear heartbreaking stories about bullying. While peer-to-peer bullying is painful, one of the most confusing and damaging forms of bullying is when it comes from a trusted adult. Sadly, this happens in schools where the aggressor may be a teacher, coach, counselor, or administrator.
How It Shows Up
Adult bullying is often:
- Rationalized as “discipline” or “motivation”
- Normalized by students who watch it happen
- Ignored by colleagues who stay silent
- Enabled when schools fail to act
The effects are profound. Targets feel shock, shame, and powerlessness. Other students may join in. When families push back, retaliation can come as poor grades, lost opportunities, or more humiliation. Too often, the adult is defended while the child is left even more isolated.
Why It’s So Harmful
We often teach children to “respect adults,” but respect should never mean tolerating abuse. Research is clear: adult bullying damages children’s mental and physical health. It erodes trust, fuels anxiety and depression, and can lead to PTSD or suicidal thoughts. Abuse does not build resilience – it leaves scars.
Steps Parents Can Take
If your child reports bullying by an adult, your calm and steady response matters most:
- Listen and document. Show care, ask questions, and note details.
- Stay calm. Model thoughtful action instead of anger.
- Include your child. Ask their opinion before acting – they’re most at risk for retaliation.
- Address it. Meet with the adult and their supervisor. Use school policies to frame the issue.
- Escalate if needed. Take concerns higher if dismissed. District leaders, school board, or advocacy groups like BRRC.
- Support your child. Explain what to expect and consider counseling.
Breaking the Cycle
Silence enables bullying. If abuse continues despite reporting, removing your child from that classroom or team may be necessary.
Dr. Jennifer Fraser suggests a broader “immunization strategy” that includes educating adults about mental health, assessing well-being regularly, giving children language to express what’s happening, and getting bullies the help they need.
Our Commitment
At BRRC, we believe it is always the responsibility of adults to stop bullying – especially when the aggressor is another adult. If your child has been bullied by an adult and the school has not acted, please reach out to us.
No child should ever be bullied. And when the harm comes from an adult, our children need us most.
“There is zero research that provides evidence that any form of bullying and abuse improves performance, increases health and wellbeing, makes an individual resilient or tough. It’s all a tragic myth.”
—Jennifer Fraser, Ph.D., author of The Bullied Brain
